Sunday, March 05, 2006

Work Work…. Zug Zug….‎

Have a boring desk job? Hate your job? Well at least you get 2 days every week of ‎no work … Having a hard time passing those long 8 hours? Well let’s face it; everyone ‎who has a desk job has to have one of those “useless” days… so look no further… Here is ‎the official LiB guide on how to waste time during working hours. (This information was ‎gathered through people who have desk jobs in both private and government sectors…but ‎mostly government, who apparently have no real jobs). ‎

  • Check your emails: especially after weekends. Don’t have a lot of emails? ‎Well don’t worry, join email chain groups, send emails to everyone on your ‎contacts, and eventually, your inbox wouldn’t be able to handle the incoming ‎load of crap you’d be getting.

  • Play something: your PC is your friend, if you’re one of the lucky ones that ‎sit in the corner, then you would probably recognize such classics like ‎Solitaire, Minesweeper. Or for more advance slackers, try installing a first ‎person shooter classic, like Doom. Or strategy game classics that would run ‎on any office PC, like WarCraft, StarCraft and let’s not forget the all-mighty ‎Command & Conquer. If you happen to be one of the unfortunate people ‎who work with people behind you, here’s a tip, practice on the Windows ‎built-in games, play them as minimized as possible, work on your screen ‎minimizing skills as quickly as possible in case someone walks behind you. ‎Oh, and adjust your chair high enough so that you back would cover the ‎screen, and if you’re a big guy, then you’re one lucky fuck. Oh, and if you have a Java and Flash based browser and you have internet access at work, you might wanna have a look at some cool time-kililn' games on www.popcap.com.

  • Send more emails: if your tired from your chain mail readings, or if you ‎think people are getting suspicious of you reading emails all the time. Then ‎try sending emails to people you know (friends/family). Send them a “hello ‎I’m bored” email, but try to make it look as if you’re writing an official work ‎related letter.

  • Browse the internet: sadly I’ve heard that some people do not have access to ‎the Internet at work, I say quit your fucking job, what kind of a bullshit ‎company are you working for that doesn’t have internet access? Anyways, ‎browsing is always a time waster, try looking into cool sites like ‎maddox.xmission.com or lifeinbahrain.blogspot.com, these sites don’t ‎usually have much graphics, so it would look like you’re doing some ‎research on the web. Even a better classic way is to keep the browser ‎window minimized until fully loaded, then quickly “CTRL+A” to select the ‎entire page and text and another quick "CTRL+C" to copy the page then “CTRL+V” to paste into a word document, and ‎then you’d be able to read it at full screen as slowly as you want, cause word ‎documents mean work, apparently.

  • Bathrooms, the other resting area: whether you’re feeling like taking a shit or ‎not, the bathroom is always a good place to hangout. Lock the door, grab a ‎seat, take a nap if you want, or start playing with some of your mobile phone ‎games, people who have pocket PCs can watch an episode of their favorite ‎sitcom, or even some porn.

  • Smoking breaks: you cant help yourself, if you’re a smoker you can fake a ‎nicotine dose rage attack by flipping a few papers of your desk, and just say ‎‎“I need to clear my head” then storm off the office. Have a smoke whether ‎you wanted one or not, and make yourself a nice cup of coffee, maybe read ‎the newspaper while your at it. If you're not a smoker, it's never too late to start! It will help you get those extra needed breaks ;)

  • Look important: having mobile phones is a necessary tool, having 2 mobile ‎phones is perfect. Try to use your “other” mobile phone to make a phone call ‎to your office phone (the reason you need another phone so that people ‎behind you wouldn’t recognize the number on the caller id). Try to have a ‎fake conversation with air, agreeing a lot, then look at your watch, agree ‎some more, and shout the words “ill be right there”, then storm off, holding ‎some papers/notepad would be icing on the cake.

  • Watch your back: if you’re running around the offices in your building, use ‎your mobile phone. You can use your “other” mobile to call yourself (so ‎people would actually hear the ringing), then fake a conversation with ‎yourself (try to make it look important). While running around the office, ‎wave at people you know, if you find anyone interesting (like a hot new ‎chick), try to finish off your fake conversation and sit down for a talk. ‎According to my observations around the office, I know a colleague who ‎does that, to the extreme, he runs around all day talking to everyone in the ‎company (just bullshit chit chat). After 4 months, he was considered the most ‎recognized person in the company, and in 5 months he was promoted by ‎doing absolutely nothing, so this method has its benefits for bullshitters.

  • Online chatting: if your IT people are so damn strict that you can’t have chat ‎programs on your PC, look no further! Get a pocket PC and install a chat ‎program, meet girls and talk all day, the perfect time waster.

  • Lunch…work’s most anticipated hour: take a long lunch break, lunch usually ‎takes half an hour, but you can go shopping, have some coffee/dessert, run ‎personal errands, extending it up to 2 hours. And if you get a call from the ‎office, you can use excuses like: “there’s a traffic jam on the highway”, “my ‎car was low on fuel”, “I got a flat tire” or “I had a meeting”.

  • Running away: there are millions of way to run away from work, make good ‎excuses like “I need to pick up my wife” or “I need to take my car to the ‎garage” or “I have a doctors checkup appointment” or the classic “my head ‎really hurts I need to lie down”.

  • Make a website: if you really couldn’t waste time yet, you can always make ‎your own website; working on a website looks like you’re doing some ‎important work, and if you don’t know how, learn! Waste hours and hours ‎learning how to make websites or create flash cartoons.

  • Make your PC look busy: simple way is opening a lot of old word documents ‎and presentations in the background, open some folders in your computer, ‎the file search screen is always a hit, also, try to find a presentation with ‎graphs and just stare at them. ‎

  • Throw a meeting: this sadly goes to the management levels of slackers, if ‎you want to really waste time, throw a meeting discussing something you ‎already discussed, try to pick a fight or let your colleagues argue with each ‎other, then sit back and laugh at them.

  • Write stupid articles: like this one, and publish it to other morons across the ‎globe.

Damn! 5 more hours to go, fuck this I’m going to the toilet….now where’s my mobile ‎phone?

5 Comments:

Blogger TI3GIB said...

haha, finally a blog from bahrain that I actually like.

11:39 PM, March 05, 2006  
Blogger saba said...

heh now i know why arabic countries r so retarded..no offense

4:28 AM, March 11, 2006  
Blogger LiB Team said...

none taken, saba!

Of course you know this is sarcastic plus some facts that were taken from some colleagues and friends who work in different organizations be them public or private.

8:24 PM, March 11, 2006  
Blogger saba said...

yea i was being sarcastic as well...i liked the post btw..becuase it is true

1:27 AM, March 13, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol look who is it.. It's Tariq Kohnji writing as Lib Team Mate! hahahaha!~

4:46 PM, April 26, 2006  

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