Monday, July 31, 2006

Anger Inc.‎

The comments from the last article inspired one of our writers (the writer of the previous ‎educational article "Work Work… Zug Zug…") to write yet another educational article. This time ‎about anger management which simply gives you tips on how to avoid anger and how to ‎unleash it. Think of this as a “Anger Management in Bahrain 101”. ‎


The following tips will help you avoid anger build-up:‎

  • Avoid driving: Driving in this country is a pain in the ass. Traffic jams build ‎up road rage even for the calmest person. Thanks to Saudi and Qatari drivers ‎and morons from our own country, driving is never a pleasant experience. ‎Unless you’re parked at home, then maybe you’d either suffocate or die of ‎boredom.

  • Avoid co-workers: Most co-workers are a pain in the ass. What’s even ‎worse, managers. If you happen to be one of the fortunate ones who work in ‎a shitty cubicle, then count your blessings, because you can easily go through ‎an entire working day without having to deal with morons. And most of all, ‎try to stay away from meetings, cause meetings are nothing but a waste of ‎corporate time and nothing but an excuse for people to pretend they are ‎doing something creative or making critical decisions, as if you can’t do that ‎over the phone or via email.

  • Avoid work: Instead of getting pissed off avoiding co-workers, just skip ‎work, period.

  • Avoid watching local TV: Local TV stations such as Bahrain TV (Arabic ‎and English languages), still look like the same piece of shit they were back ‎in the 70s and 80s. If you are into retro, and in need of some 80s flashback, ‎just tune in BTV for few minutes (do not exceed 5 minutes, you might burn a ‎few brain cells or actually blow them up) and then simply switch the TV off, ‎or switch to a cable/satellite channel.

  • Avoid extremists: Although its not as bad as Saudi where you find them on ‎the street, extremists can be found in some gatherings, like weddings or ‎funerals. No matter what you do, do not sit next to them, even if that means ‎you have to stand up for 5 hours. If the stink coming from their beards ‎wasn’t enough to make you want to squeeze your balls till they pop, the ‎lectures you’ll be getting about religion and what they think is the proper ‎way of living, is enough to make you kill yourself and 10 others.

  • Avoid shopping malls: As we explained in previous articles, shopping malls ‎are infested with Saudis, Qataris, brats, bitches and fags. So taking a simple ‎‎5 minute walk in any major shopping mall will be enough to make you want ‎to make someone eat their own vomit while you kick them in the jaw and ‎burn their body hair.

  • Avoid Bukawara: Not sure if this needs a lot of explanation, but if the ‎thought of seeing Qataris chasing women and Riffai fucks sitting in front of ‎a grocery store wasn’t enough to make you order the alloy bat, I don’t know what is.

  • Avoid government sectors: Although what seems like a simple task, such as ‎renewing you CPR or drivers license, the 7 hour queue with a bunch of ‎smelly idiots while waiting for his majesty the counter guy to actually do ‎something like stamping your papers “which seams like an ultimately ‎impossible task to him”, you will probably have killed/punched/raped a lot of ‎people by that time.

  • Avoid going out on Thursdays: Where most are probably out somewhere and ‎doing something because it’s the beginning of the weekend. I suggest sitting ‎at home with a good movie/game/book/dildo rather than to try and go out. It ‎would probably take you 3 hours to reach anywhere, and 3 hours to get ‎home, meaning you’d probably spend less than 2 hours doing whatever it ‎was your supposed to do. Or probably not do that because you were late and ‎couldn’t get there on time, or you have killed a lot of people and got arrested.

  • Avoid using the internet: Thanks to our shitty slow broadband connection, ‎just a mere usage of normal browsing to attempts to view some porn, can ‎make anyone frustrated. And if you happen to enjoy online gaming, then the ‎amount of lag can make the best of players feel like n00bs to other players ‎online. Sadly, many a good PC has suffered the tragedy of being thrown out ‎the window.

  • Avoid Radio Bahrain: Didn’t we learn anything from that yet? If you don’t ‎agree with their beliefs that “Britney spears and 50 cent are the best artists in ‎the world”, then obviously you’ll end up punching some poor animal in the ‎face.

I have a feeling I can go all day with the avoidances, you might end up living in a box by ‎the end of the day, so lets have a quick look at some ways of unleashing anger:‎

  • Punch yourself: If you don’t like to start a fight, or end up being jumped on ‎by huge guys (which in most cases ends up you getting raped by them), then ‎punching yourself is always an excellent method to give yourself a time out ‎and think about what pissed you. Which makes you angry again, so simply ‎repeat the process.

  • Get a punching bag: Usually sold in most sport shops, you can get a nice ‎punching bag, or a punching body, which looks like a dude, so you can dress ‎him up with a nice “FCUK” T-shirt and cool shades, maybe add a Gucci ‎baseball cap, and BAAM, punch the shit out of that fucker.

  • Punch FCUKers: Why punch a doll when you can punch a real moron ‎wearing a FCUK t-shirt right in the nose?‎

  • Pre-order a baseball bat: As previewed in the last article, what seems like a ‎good method of hurting Saudis, could be applied on annoying family members and friends too.

  • Masturbate: Unleashing your load is another way to “cool-down”. You’d ‎feel much calmer after you do, and forget about what pissed you off. The ‎only downside of that is that you’ll probably have some sick thoughts of ‎hurting/punching/raping people or animals during the process, which could ‎lead to actually enjoying that shit… Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

  • Scream: Although not preferred to do so at home, try driving and screaming. ‎Nothing feels better than screaming your lungs off on your way to and from ‎work, which makes people stare at you and give you weird looks, so you can ‎laugh at them later. Also, I suggest playing some loud Heavy Metal music in ‎the background and creating a backing screaming effect, which makes the ‎song kick even more ass (look for Pantera’s suicide note part 2), and you ‎might actually become a proper black metal vocalist if you keep that up ‎everyday.

  • Kick some brats: Not wise if the parents are around, but tossing/kicking kids ‎around is always a fun thing to do. Don’t hit so you would bruise them ‎‎(leaving evidence behind is not wise), just enough to annoy them, or even ‎make them cry, then sit and laugh while you get away with it.

  • Kick the cat: Cats are everywhere, just take a peek outside your house, you’ll ‎probably find 6-7 of them around the dumpster, sneak behind one and ‎‎*BAAAM* watch the fucker fly.

  • Play drums: If you can’t afford drums, then simply get a bunch of Nido milk ‎cans, and start bashing like a moron. You’ll feel better and make sounds ‎better than the drums on Metallica’s “Saint Anger” album.

  • Watch clips of Chuck Norris: Easily found for download or streaming from ‎several websites. Nothing more pleasing than watching Mr. Norris whoop ‎some ass. Might actually get you pumped to try out punching FCUKers!

  • Call a helpline: Doesn’t matter which one, but your telephone/bank helpline ‎is one way of getting away with screaming at people, and get treated like a ‎king. Make sure they got a “customer’s always right” policy otherwise they ‎might hang up or yell back!‎

  • Write an article about anger: Errrrrrr......‎

Well what do you know!!! That worked... Now I gotta think of something to get ‎me angry again...
That should take like 5 seconds..... ‎

Fuck this, here kitty kitty kitty kittttyyyyy KITTYYYYY......

[LiB Sidenote] I have just read in today's paper this article about changing the government weekend to Fridays and Saturdays instead of the old Thursday/Friday weekend. I was going to write about that, but damn, it's ABOUT FUCKING TIME YOU MORONS. We Bahrainis have been talking about this shit for years yet Qatar went ahead and did it in 2003, and they have been discussing it for years here while the UAE announced that it's going to be effective from 1 Sep. That pissed me off that we Bahrainis are all talk but no action. Finally something good came out of this and apparently and according to the article in the newspaper it means we also get to have a unified weekend with the private sector starting September 1st. Again, IT' S ABOUT FUCKING TIME..... and this goes out to all the fuckers who opposed this. Especially extremists who know nothing but allowing ninjas to drive and fucking dinosaurs who have two years left to go fucking retarded (oops I mean retired) and still they don't wanna change the system, fucking morons, you are going to leave anyways you motherfucking cunts and to those selfish bastards who already share the same weekend days with their wife/spouse/gay ass lover, see, they don't give a fuck about anyone else but themselves, to hell with the others. I say good for you Bahrain, and it's a good thing that the government didn't listen to the shitheads and went ahead with what's good for the country socially and economically. When will the damn retards living in this Retarddom of Bahrain learn to put the group interest ahead of individual interests? Never I guess. Damn, fucking dinosaurs should have gone extinct 65 fucking million years ago.

22 Comments:

Blogger shorty said...

LOL!!! Nice post!

Actually dickwads in this country are put on this earth purely for our entertainment...

And to add a pointer to venting anger u ALWAYS have an upside if ur a chick just lose it at work/home/public places then blame it on PMS :)

IT WORKS EVERYTIME

8:51 PM, July 31, 2006  
Anonymous shitkicker said...

good lord when you rant you really get going

2:41 AM, August 01, 2006  
Blogger Cece DeSouza said...

*LOL* I love that post. I don't even think I'll go after your advices. I'll just be reading this post and laugh my ass out!

I'd only go for the masterbating plan whenever I'm angry and yes it feels "SO GOOD with the ANGRY BANG!" 3ala golat'hum..

And all the "avoid" list can be applied in Kuwait too, so thank you so much!

12:23 PM, August 01, 2006  
Blogger LiB Team said...

shorty: Thanks, long time no see btw

sk: amazing huh?

cece: you're welcome, I guess it applies to all of the gcc region!

12:50 PM, August 01, 2006  
Blogger tooners said...

this is good... you make me laugh.

altho, kicking the cat isn't GOOD! just kick the dumpster intead. ;0 but hey, i'm an animal lover to the extreme!

i really like your blog.

12:14 PM, August 02, 2006  
Anonymous AA said...

why are you ripping off maddox so much? at least acknowledge him or something! this stuff would have been funny but its such a ripoff and the icing on the cake is the Chuck Norris bit. come on guys, thats WAY too obvious!

Note to visitors: please go to www.thebestpageintheuniverse.com to see where these guys get their material.

sorry y'all i used to love this site but alas, it has lost its way.

9:18 AM, August 06, 2006  
Blogger Cece DeSouza said...

aa = Ass Attackers?

9:48 AM, August 06, 2006  
Blogger LiB Team said...

aa, hey moron, we have put a link to maddox's site. We like him and there would be a lot of inspiration from him, but not copying his style (well except for that "no more tears" pic)

other than that, go shove something where the sun don't shine if you don't like it here, leave, jackass. Please read the links part of the page so that you see that we do know of maddox and what a cool person he is, coolness, he is, you on the other hand are a plain and simple moronic idiot.

you're just like the ppl who sign contracts but do not read between the lines. congratulations, you're like 99% other idiots like you. now fuck off.

11:22 AM, August 06, 2006  
Blogger Evil Pissed-Off Bahraini said...

Dear Mr. AA a.k.a. Anal Addict…

If you happen to be such a big Maddox fan, then you should know that what Maddox hates most in the world (besides Hippies), are copiers, people who simply copy his shit and distribute it through emails or on websites.

NOW, if you actually happen to be one of the early visitors of this site, then you would know that the first link that the guys put up on their site was the (maddox.xmission.com), which is actually the very first link to Maddox’s website, before the new link came out (the one you posted), showing you the guys' true appreciation and dedication to Maddox’s website and material.

There are many sites out there that are inspired by Maddox’s material, and use a similar style of writing, but whatever is published here is new and not copied from anywhere else, and the writers are actually fueled with hatred, thanks to idiots like you that inspire them to write even more articles.

The whole world revolves around people being inspired by something or someone, if that was the case, then the music industry (for example) would probably be on hold, thanks to morons like you that think just by being inspired by someone means that you are actually copying that shit.

If they actually use Maddox’s style of writing, then be it, it only make Maddox a greater person than he is, because he has more people following his online hatred around the globe.

So if you think you can come here, post a reply and tell everyone about your “amazing” discovery, then I suggest you wake the fuck up, you good for nothing piece of shit of a Anal junkie, armpit licking, dildo riding, cum snorting, vomit gargling, snot tasting, testicle sniffing, toe sucking, shit eating, penis enlarging, Viagra taking, sister fucking, horse blowing Hippy FUCK!

Take your 1 inch cock somewhere else.

12:27 PM, August 06, 2006  
Anonymous Lib teammate said...

EPB, You rule!

AA: you got owned baby..

1:53 PM, August 07, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

got owned?! well i did miss the maddox link....but chuck norris!? none of u mentioned what that is about! y'all suck!

but i do agree bout the bukawara rants...it IS kinda annoying there!

4:45 PM, August 08, 2006  
Blogger LiB Team said...

anon, Chuck Norris is mentioned all over the net, not just by us or Maddox. He is even mentioned in World of Warcraft, just look at the spammers there and you will see them shouting to either buy or sell "Chuck Norris". This person is a global phenomenon and is mentioned by thousands of blogs across the net. We also found it humorous to mention him, what's wrong with that?

It was nice having you around, glad you like the Bukuwara rants.

8:36 AM, August 09, 2006  
Anonymous AA said...

sorry i forgot to "sign in"...I wrote that bukawara commment...does that mean i'm not Anal Addict now? lol!

9:30 AM, August 09, 2006  
Anonymous AA said...

oh and i'm afraid of playing WoW...simply coz the ppl i know that play that game tend to stay glued to their screens for weeks or till their eyes bleed.

9:31 AM, August 09, 2006  
Blogger LiB Team said...

okay you're off the hook, aa. Still though, next time make sure of your facts otherwise our fans won't go easy on you like what EPB did. If Maddox has his fans, we also have fans of our own ;)

12:03 PM, August 09, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So your blog is a complete rip off…and I thought you guys were original. Anyways you guys are no better then the FUCKS you diss. If you want to post something come up with your own shit…fuckfaces

11:54 PM, August 27, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ohh and I liked the act where EBP comes and defends you guys…nice one assholes, so which one of you is it???

11:58 PM, August 27, 2006  
Blogger LiB Team said...

anon, get your head out of your ass, EPB is NOT one of us. He is simply an evil fan who likes us, if you don't simply FUCK OFF from here. It's people like EPB and all the other positive supporters that will keep us going, and we do get inspired by maddox but it's not like he's writing about aliens in Bahrain now does he? What a shithead you are. Just like the rest of the shitheads that make a lot of noise in Bahrain.

What a fucking ass lickin' whiner. Drop dead and get the fuck out, fudgepacker.

10:49 AM, August 28, 2006  
Anonymous lib team member said...

so we were accused of polagirism, proved ourselves otherwise, and yet there are still people who think we're a rip-off? it's amazing how stupid people can be.. magool ela al7amdelah wesheker.. and hope one day, this anonymous grows a brain :)

dickweed

11:35 AM, August 28, 2006  
Blogger Evil Pissed-Off Bahraini said...

Rip off?

prove it you Dildo....

the guys at LIB dont need defending, but assholes like you are asking for it...

try goin to www.get-a-life.com instead...

bitch ass FCUK wearing grandma fucker...

12:17 PM, August 28, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahah…This EPB fella is really a big fan of your blog guys. HE called that anonymous guy a dildo!!! Hahahah Wow the way he defended you guys?? Wow..what a great fan…incredible fan…ahhhh…wow…. EPB is really inspired by your writings LIB team…he has completely embraced your ideologies that he even quotes you …hahahahha that FCUK T-shirts thing…good shit man …He is like a small subsidiary. I salute you for your passion my friend...in fact I say why not put him on the team…who wants EPB on the LIB team???

That other anonyms guy really got your attention…and your response was harsh and really swift. Which brings me to this question…I can’t deny that you guys are almost right on lots of the points you mentioned…and most of the cases and stereotypes you mentioned do exist…but you guys almost ridiculed every social group we have in this country, which makes me wonder….which group u guys fall in?? Logically speaking, you guys can not act, under any circumstances, close to the behaviors you mentioned…correct. Based on that I can assume that for example..you wont be seen in seef mall just walking around…or, God forbid, be caught wearing a FCUK shirt.
I just want to do some kind of profiling if you don’t mind….what are you guys…Rebels?? How old are you 19..17..26…35?? Where do you live...??? Where do you work??? I want to know you…maybe you are our destined saviors?? Maybe you guys should lead us…embrace us under your wings of wisdom…Anyways back to reality…you guys suck, and you are a part of this fucked up community just like every other fucker you made fun off. But I must say…some of the shit you said was funny and incredibly true.
Good work guys …If I were you I would be proud…you even have an evil pissed-off Bahraini on your side….excellent stuff…

12:34 AM, August 29, 2006  
Blogger LiB Team said...

Last anon, EPB is a valued fan and if he wants, we can include him in the team due to popular demand ;-) we haven't ridiculed ALL social groups.. there are quite a few left for us to slash including our own, which we decline to mention as out right to be anonymous, just as it is ur right to post ur comment anonymously :-p catching us walking around seef mall in FCUK t-shirts? Maybe we might.. But u wont know it's us.. Nah no fucking way man lol. As for your profiling request, we are 75 year old nuns from South Africa working in the American Mission Hospital voluntarily and our interests are surfing the internet, watching sunsets and blogging about the fucked up shit/people in Bahrain **now all the haters need to concentrate on this part** NOT BECAUSE WE HATE OUR BELOVED KINGDOM (WHICH WE LOVE AND AND ARE PROUD TO CALL HOME) but because highlighting these people and issues are aimed to increase awareness about them to actually get the problem FIXED and at the same time provide for a humourous read during your average joe's office hours.. yes we are a part of this community, but we prefer not to suck.. we'll leave that to ur night job (u asked for it buddy :-p).. Thanx for showing ur interest and hope u enjoy our future posts!!

8:41 AM, August 29, 2006  

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