Anger Inc.‎

The comments from the last article inspired one of our writers (the writer of the previous ‎educational article "Work Work… Zug Zug…") to write yet another educational article. This time ‎about anger management which simply gives you tips on how to avoid anger and how to ‎unleash it. Think of this as a “Anger Management in Bahrain 101”. ‎


The following tips will help you avoid anger build-up:‎

• Avoid driving: Driving in this country is a pain in the ass. Traffic jams build ‎up road rage even for the calmest person. Thanks to Saudi and Qatari drivers ‎and morons from our own country, driving is never a pleasant experience. ‎Unless you’re parked at home, then maybe you’d either suffocate or die of ‎boredom.


• Avoid co-workers: Most co-workers are a pain in the ass. What’s even ‎worse, managers. If you happen to be one of the fortunate ones who work in ‎a shitty cubicle, then count your blessings, because you can easily go through ‎an entire working day without having to deal with morons. And most of all, ‎try to stay away from meetings, cause meetings are nothing but a waste of ‎corporate time and nothing but an excuse for people to pretend they are ‎doing something creative or making critical decisions, as if you can’t do that ‎over the phone or via email.


• Avoid work: Instead of getting pissed off avoiding co-workers, just skip ‎work, period.


• Avoid watching local TV: Local TV stations such as Bahrain TV (Arabic ‎and English languages), still look like the same piece of shit they were back ‎in the 70s and 80s. If you are into retro, and in need of some 80s flashback, ‎just tune in BTV for few minutes (do not exceed 5 minutes, you might burn a ‎few brain cells or actually blow them up) and then simply switch the TV off, ‎or switch to a cable/satellite channel.


• Avoid extremists: Although its not as bad as Saudi where you find them on ‎the street, extremists can be found in some gatherings, like weddings or ‎funerals. No matter what you do, do not sit next to them, even if that means ‎you have to stand up for 5 hours. If the stink coming from their beards ‎wasn’t enough to make you want to squeeze your balls till they pop, the ‎lectures you’ll be getting about religion and what they think is the proper ‎way of living, is enough to make you kill yourself and 10 others.


• Avoid shopping malls: As we explained in previous articles, shopping malls ‎are infested with Saudis, Qataris, brats, bitches and fags. So taking a simple ‎‎5 minute walk in any major shopping mall will be enough to make you want ‎to make someone eat their own vomit while you kick them in the jaw and ‎burn their body hair.


• Avoid Bukawara: Not sure if this needs a lot of explanation, but if the ‎thought of seeing Qataris chasing women and Riffai fucks sitting in front of ‎a grocery store wasn’t enough to make you order the alloy bat, I don’t know what is.


• Avoid government sectors: Although what seems like a simple task, such as ‎renewing you CPR or drivers license, the 7 hour queue with a bunch of ‎smelly idiots while waiting for his majesty the counter guy to actually do ‎something like stamping your papers “which seams like an ultimately ‎impossible task to him”, you will probably have killed/punched/raped a lot of ‎people by that time.


• Avoid going out on Thursdays: Where most are probably out somewhere and ‎doing something because it’s the beginning of the weekend. I suggest sitting ‎at home with a good movie/game/book/dildo rather than to try and go out. It ‎would probably take you 3 hours to reach anywhere, and 3 hours to get ‎home, meaning you’d probably spend less than 2 hours doing whatever it ‎was your supposed to do. Or probably not do that because you were late and ‎couldn’t get there on time, or you have killed a lot of people and got arrested.


• Avoid using the internet: Thanks to our shitty slow broadband connection, ‎just a mere usage of normal browsing to attempts to view some porn, can ‎make anyone frustrated. And if you happen to enjoy online gaming, then the ‎amount of lag can make the best of players feel like n00bs to other players ‎online. Sadly, many a good PC has suffered the tragedy of being thrown out ‎the window.


• Avoid Radio Bahrain: Didn’t we learn anything from that yet? If you don’t ‎agree with their beliefs that “Britney spears and 50 cent are the best artists in ‎the world”, then obviously you’ll end up punching some poor animal in the ‎face.

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I have a feeling I can go all day with the avoidances, you might end up living in a box by ‎the end of the day, so lets have a quick look at some ways of unleashing anger:‎

• Punch yourself: If you don’t like to start a fight, or end up being jumped on ‎by huge guys (which in most cases ends up you getting raped by them), then ‎punching yourself is always an excellent method to give yourself a time out ‎and think about what pissed you. Which makes you angry again, so simply ‎repeat the process.
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• Get a punching bag: Usually sold in most sport shops, you can get a nice ‎punching bag, or a punching body, which looks like a dude, so you can dress ‎him up with a nice “FCUK” T-shirt and cool shades, maybe add a Gucci ‎baseball cap, and BAAM, punch the shit out of that fucker.


• Punch FCUKers: Why punch a doll when you can punch a real moron ‎wearing a FCUK t-shirt right in the nose?‎


• Pre-order a baseball bat: As previewed in the last article, what seems like a ‎good method of hurting Saudis, could be applied on annoying family members and friends too.


• Masturbate: Unleashing your load is another way to “cool-down”. You’d ‎feel much calmer after you do, and forget about what pissed you off. The ‎only downside of that is that you’ll probably have some sick thoughts of ‎hurting/punching/raping people or animals during the process, which could ‎lead to actually enjoying that shit… Don’t say I didn’t warn you.


• Scream: Although not preferred to do so at home, try driving and screaming. ‎Nothing feels better than screaming your lungs off on your way to and from ‎work, which makes people stare at you and give you weird looks, so you can ‎laugh at them later. Also, I suggest playing some loud Heavy Metal music in ‎the background and creating a backing screaming effect, which makes the ‎song kick even more ass (look for Pantera’s suicide note part 2), and you ‎might actually become a proper black metal vocalist if you keep that up ‎everyday.


• Kick some brats: Not wise if the parents are around, but tossing/kicking kids ‎around is always a fun thing to do. Don’t hit so you would bruise them ‎‎(leaving evidence behind is not wise), just enough to annoy them, or even ‎make them cry, then sit and laugh while you get away with it.


• Kick the cat: Cats are everywhere, just take a peek outside your house, you’ll ‎probably find 6-7 of them around the dumpster, sneak behind one and ‎‎*BAAAM* watch the fucker fly.


• Play drums: If you can’t afford drums, then simply get a bunch of Nido milk ‎cans, and start bashing like a moron. You’ll feel better and make sounds ‎better than the drums on Metallica’s “Saint Anger” album.


• Watch clips of Chuck Norris: Easily found for download or streaming from ‎several websites. Nothing more pleasing than watching Mr. Norris whoop ‎some ass. Might actually get you pumped to try out punching FCUKers!


• Call a helpline: Doesn’t matter which one, but your telephone/bank helpline ‎is one way of getting away with screaming at people, and get treated like a ‎king. Make sure they got a “customer’s always right” policy otherwise they ‎might hang up or yell back!‎


• Write an article about anger: Errrrrrr......‎

Well what do you know!!! That worked... Now I gotta think of something to get ‎me angry again...
That should take like 5 seconds..... ‎

Fuck this, here kitty kitty kitty kittttyyyyy KITTYYYYY......

[LiB Sidenote] I have just read in today's paper this article about changing the government weekend to Fridays and Saturdays instead of the old Thursday/Friday weekend. I was going to write about that, but damn, it's ABOUT FUCKING TIME YOU MORONS. We Bahrainis have been talking about this shit for years yet Qatar went ahead and did it in 2003, and they have been discussing it for years here while the UAE announced that it's going to be effective from 1 Sep. That pissed me off that we Bahrainis are all talk but no action. Finally something good came out of this and apparently and according to the article in the newspaper it means we also get to have a unified weekend with the private sector starting September 1st. Again, IT' S ABOUT FUCKING TIME..... and this goes out to all the fuckers who opposed this. Especially extremists who know nothing but allowing ninjas to drive and fucking dinosaurs who have two years left to go fucking retarded (oops I mean retired) and still they don't wanna change the system, fucking morons, you are going to leave anyways you motherfucking cunts and to those selfish bastards who already share the same weekend days with their wife/spouse/gay ass lover, see, they don't give a fuck about anyone else but themselves, to hell with the others. I say good for you Bahrain, and it's a good thing that the government didn't listen to the shitheads and went ahead with what's good for the country socially and economically. When will the damn retards living in this Retarddom of Bahrain learn to put the group interest ahead of individual interests? Never I guess. Damn, fucking dinosaurs should have gone extinct 65 fucking million years ago.