Saturday, March 25, 2006

But Daddy Told Me It’s OK to Kill Cops!

I was reading the newspaper a few days ago (the Arabic version, Akhbar Al-Khaleej "Gulf News"). Ignoring all the usual nonsense about Palestine/Israel, George Bush scratching his ass and crap that is published on a daily basis, when an article caught my attention, the title was “CDs With Obscene Images and Sexual Content Being Distributed to Kids”. Of course I had to read on, maybe I can find out where they sell this amazing offensive CD. I continued reading, only to find out that they were talking about some PS2 game, which apparently had images of sexy anime bitches or something. They did not mention the game's name. But I soon figured out that they were talking about GTA: San Andreas, which fits the description perfectly.

Well rise and shine morons, it took you this long to figure out that games like GTA shouldn’t be sold to kids, damn retards!

Before I go any further, let me explain how censorship works in this country. Basically you have your censorship committee, which are a bunch of Muslim extremists, with ape-like bushy itchy beards, and short disgusting thoubs, sitting around examining almost every media source, from cinema, DVDs, music CDs to games. What they do is they look at a movie, ignoring the content of the movie itself (whether it was political or violent), and simply remove all the nudity/sex scenes. The same goes with music CDs, DVDs and games. Now, since they can't really edit those, or have time to look at the content itself, they simply look whether there is a naked chick on the cover or not (and by naked chick I mean wearing a swimsuit). So in their primitive minds, anything with a semi-nude female on the cover is porn, period. If it had an Asian female then it's Asian porn, if it had a cartoon chick then its anime porn, and so on.

So, with an excellent censorship committee, we sometimes get some really weird shit “banned” although they are items of quality and has nothing to do with pornography. Just because THEY think it is makes it so.

Ok, so the last few years we had the censorship guys laid back a bit; We can now get some good movies in the cinemas, unrated DVDs and excellent video games. Which is good of course, I mean put it this way, I for example don’t mind watching something with nudity, cause I simply don’t give two shits. But if you do, you have a choice not to, nobody is forcing you to watch this crap, just let it be there, watch it or not, it’s your decision.

Now let's get back to the video game issue. These morons spotted a picture of a drawn female on a video game cover. And they are simply trying to make a big deal out of it. Well let me tell you jack-asses something: the game content is 1000 times worse than the picture of the girl in a swim suit. The game encourages the idea to run around the street, steal cars, kill cops, and deal drugs. So it’s basically ok for your kid to play a game like that, as long as the females in it are decent??? Gimme a fucking break.

Idiotic parents should watch out what their stupid brain-dead kids are playing. News Flash: video games have dramatically evolved over the last 2 decades. Video games are now made not just for kids, there are games for different age groups and tastes. Back in the 80’s nobody gave a shit about video games, cause all the games were supposedly innocent. Everything looked like a bunch of squares and triangles smashed down together, so you wouldn’t tell the difference between an x-rated game and Pac-man.

Games nowadays are mostly made for a more mature audience, except all the crap Nintendo makes, I think your kids are safe playing that. But games produced for XBOX or PS2 are mostly made for a more mature group of people, ranging from 15-60 (seriously). So if your kid is whining and crying his ass off because you wouldn’t get him a game, then good for you, let him cry all he wants. To be on the safe side, the ESRB (Entertainment Software Rating Board), work hard so that video game illiterates like you can tell the difference between a game made for kids, and ones that are made for adults only. You can look at the bottom corners of the packaging for these symbols:

As you can notice, over each symbol, there’s a small explanation in plain text that tells you what the symbol means. For example the (M) rating means (Mature 17+). So if your kid is a punk-ass good-for-nothing 12-year-old, and asks you to buy a game with an (M) rating on the cover, you can tell him to fuck himself. Problem solved.

I swear to God, mark my words, if these extremists start a whole “Ban Video Games” campaign, I'll re-create every single mission in GTA, IN REAL LIFE, and let’s see what they think about that.

Fuck these primitive morons. Now where did I put that "Hello Kitty" video game?

Monday, March 20, 2006

Moments from the F1...

Well this might seem odd to our followers, but LiB isn't only about shitty things, it's about "Life in Bahrain" in general, although we always wanted to highlight the bad before the good so that people are aware of what goes on in here besides good things, there ARE good things indeed.

Anyways I will be talking about the F1 event which was great, it wasn't a huge success in my eyes, but it was "a" success and something to talk about. The race itself was so exhilirating that saw Fernando Alonso narrowly beating Michael Schumacher after he got out of the pit to dominate the last few laps and win the inaugural race of the 2006 season, reversing what we had seen during the earlier laps of Schumi's domination. But the race was indeed between those two out of all, as Alonso came to 2nd place even before the first lap was over after starting at 4th on the start-up grid.

I will leave you all with pics from the qualifying day (Saturday) and the race-day (Sunday)... Enjoy :D "Click on the images for a larger view, some might take long as they are BIG images, so please bear with us"

So it's Saturday March 11th 2006. The weather is really windy and dusty but it doesn't seem to affect the qualifying round which promises to be exciting as there were new regulations by the FIA regarding the method of qualification.

And here's one of the cars roaring during the qualification race...

And this is the famous VIP Tower, which, of course, you have to be a VIP to be able to enjoy the views from there. By VIP, you either have to be really famous, a bigshot at a big corporation which can afford to pay the BD 24K to be able to book a lounge, or, last but not least, a cocksucker to be able to get in.

And the rest are all from the raceday on Sunday, have fun...

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

The sounds of...Silence! "a.k.a The Other Side of F1"

As I started walking into the office early in the morning, feeling like a slave being dragged around and whipped. Not having the energy to lift up my briefcase, dragging myself through the long 1-storey staircase. Having a weird rumbling noise coming out of my stomach for not having breakfast. I finally managed to reach the doors which take me into the hellish realms of the daily torture called work, I noticed something I don’t usually hear……footsteps…

No, no one is sneaking up behind me, trying to somehow molest me or something; in fact, the footsteps I heard were none other than my own…

Now this could be something normal for most people, but if you happen to work in a noisy department like the one I’m in, its not. Why was I hearing my footsteps? Why was I hearing myself breathe? Maybe because the fact that NOONE WAS THERE!

What the fuck was that all about? For a minute there I thought it was a public holiday that no one told me about! I thought maybe some royalty dude died and they declared a national holiday, I was confused.

I put down my things and started running around the department. Looking into the offices, nothing, not even the tea boy was anywhere to be seen. I walked up to the IT department where nerds usually happen to be there working on their computers whether it was a working day or not, and I was right, 6 out of 20 employees were there, I started to look for managers, and they were no where to be found! I asked one of the nerds about what the hell was going on, he told me “they all went to the formula 1 event”….

Interesting, so everyone (including management) decided to take the day off to go to this stupid event, now, I kept running around the other floors, only to find around 20% of the total company’s employees, and get this, 10% of them were just there to finish off some work, so they can leave at around 11am to go the formula 1 race!

Seriously, how am I supposed to work under these conditions! Sadly with my line of work, I require support from other department, what support am I going to get if I’m on my fucking own here? What a productive day turned out to be, 10% of the total company’s employees were there (and 50% of the ones working shifts, which is still considered low), and I’m standing there like a moron not being able to do any work, cause the people I’m supposed to work with are simply not there!

Honestly, wouldn’t the company be better off if they declared this stupid day off? Instead of having people “supposedly” turning is then leaving early to catch some stupid race? Now I’m not talking about a 3 day holiday, just a day off for the finals, if people consider this event so fucking important that they can simply leave work for it, then why not give everyone a day off, so idiots like me don’t have to come in and do nothing all day.

After making a few phone calls “since I had nothing to do” I called around a few people to waste time, and one guy mentioned that he went and took his kid back from school because only 20 people in the entire school showed up! Last year the government declared the formula 1 event days as a holiday for schools and universities, what the fuck happened this year? Apparently they didn’t give a holiday because recently we had a lot of public holidays and the school is running behind on the semester schedule, so let me get this straight, you did not give the kids a holiday because you wanted them to catch up on they’re school work, while no one showed up in the first place? What school work are you talking about? What productivity bullshit? No one was working or studying? Give the people off a day during the final race instead of wasting everyone’s time; as if a fucking day is going to make a difference, the day was wasted anyway!

No fucking brains + no planning skills + fat ass = government big shot

After further investigation, I looked more into the reason the schools did not get a holiday this year, the reason was simple: the minister was on holiday…..

I have no comment on that... But I have come to an understanding of how shit works in the government sector, if someone goes on a holiday, all work must stop.

Maybe someone should suggest the terms “handing over” or "delegate responsibilities" to these lazy ass government employees.

Screw this, I'll just get the fuck out of here, if anyone asks, I'll just tell them I went to the fucking race.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Work Work…. Zug Zug….‎

Have a boring desk job? Hate your job? Well at least you get 2 days every week of ‎no work … Having a hard time passing those long 8 hours? Well let’s face it; everyone ‎who has a desk job has to have one of those “useless” days… so look no further… Here is ‎the official LiB guide on how to waste time during working hours. (This information was ‎gathered through people who have desk jobs in both private and government sectors…but ‎mostly government, who apparently have no real jobs). ‎

  • Check your emails: especially after weekends. Don’t have a lot of emails? ‎Well don’t worry, join email chain groups, send emails to everyone on your ‎contacts, and eventually, your inbox wouldn’t be able to handle the incoming ‎load of crap you’d be getting.

  • Play something: your PC is your friend, if you’re one of the lucky ones that ‎sit in the corner, then you would probably recognize such classics like ‎Solitaire, Minesweeper. Or for more advance slackers, try installing a first ‎person shooter classic, like Doom. Or strategy game classics that would run ‎on any office PC, like WarCraft, StarCraft and let’s not forget the all-mighty ‎Command & Conquer. If you happen to be one of the unfortunate people ‎who work with people behind you, here’s a tip, practice on the Windows ‎built-in games, play them as minimized as possible, work on your screen ‎minimizing skills as quickly as possible in case someone walks behind you. ‎Oh, and adjust your chair high enough so that you back would cover the ‎screen, and if you’re a big guy, then you’re one lucky fuck. Oh, and if you have a Java and Flash based browser and you have internet access at work, you might wanna have a look at some cool time-kililn' games on

  • Send more emails: if your tired from your chain mail readings, or if you ‎think people are getting suspicious of you reading emails all the time. Then ‎try sending emails to people you know (friends/family). Send them a “hello ‎I’m bored” email, but try to make it look as if you’re writing an official work ‎related letter.

  • Browse the internet: sadly I’ve heard that some people do not have access to ‎the Internet at work, I say quit your fucking job, what kind of a bullshit ‎company are you working for that doesn’t have internet access? Anyways, ‎browsing is always a time waster, try looking into cool sites like ‎ or, these sites don’t ‎usually have much graphics, so it would look like you’re doing some ‎research on the web. Even a better classic way is to keep the browser ‎window minimized until fully loaded, then quickly “CTRL+A” to select the ‎entire page and text and another quick "CTRL+C" to copy the page then “CTRL+V” to paste into a word document, and ‎then you’d be able to read it at full screen as slowly as you want, cause word ‎documents mean work, apparently.

  • Bathrooms, the other resting area: whether you’re feeling like taking a shit or ‎not, the bathroom is always a good place to hangout. Lock the door, grab a ‎seat, take a nap if you want, or start playing with some of your mobile phone ‎games, people who have pocket PCs can watch an episode of their favorite ‎sitcom, or even some porn.

  • Smoking breaks: you cant help yourself, if you’re a smoker you can fake a ‎nicotine dose rage attack by flipping a few papers of your desk, and just say ‎‎“I need to clear my head” then storm off the office. Have a smoke whether ‎you wanted one or not, and make yourself a nice cup of coffee, maybe read ‎the newspaper while your at it. If you're not a smoker, it's never too late to start! It will help you get those extra needed breaks ;)

  • Look important: having mobile phones is a necessary tool, having 2 mobile ‎phones is perfect. Try to use your “other” mobile phone to make a phone call ‎to your office phone (the reason you need another phone so that people ‎behind you wouldn’t recognize the number on the caller id). Try to have a ‎fake conversation with air, agreeing a lot, then look at your watch, agree ‎some more, and shout the words “ill be right there”, then storm off, holding ‎some papers/notepad would be icing on the cake.

  • Watch your back: if you’re running around the offices in your building, use ‎your mobile phone. You can use your “other” mobile to call yourself (so ‎people would actually hear the ringing), then fake a conversation with ‎yourself (try to make it look important). While running around the office, ‎wave at people you know, if you find anyone interesting (like a hot new ‎chick), try to finish off your fake conversation and sit down for a talk. ‎According to my observations around the office, I know a colleague who ‎does that, to the extreme, he runs around all day talking to everyone in the ‎company (just bullshit chit chat). After 4 months, he was considered the most ‎recognized person in the company, and in 5 months he was promoted by ‎doing absolutely nothing, so this method has its benefits for bullshitters.

  • Online chatting: if your IT people are so damn strict that you can’t have chat ‎programs on your PC, look no further! Get a pocket PC and install a chat ‎program, meet girls and talk all day, the perfect time waster.

  • Lunch…work’s most anticipated hour: take a long lunch break, lunch usually ‎takes half an hour, but you can go shopping, have some coffee/dessert, run ‎personal errands, extending it up to 2 hours. And if you get a call from the ‎office, you can use excuses like: “there’s a traffic jam on the highway”, “my ‎car was low on fuel”, “I got a flat tire” or “I had a meeting”.

  • Running away: there are millions of way to run away from work, make good ‎excuses like “I need to pick up my wife” or “I need to take my car to the ‎garage” or “I have a doctors checkup appointment” or the classic “my head ‎really hurts I need to lie down”.

  • Make a website: if you really couldn’t waste time yet, you can always make ‎your own website; working on a website looks like you’re doing some ‎important work, and if you don’t know how, learn! Waste hours and hours ‎learning how to make websites or create flash cartoons.

  • Make your PC look busy: simple way is opening a lot of old word documents ‎and presentations in the background, open some folders in your computer, ‎the file search screen is always a hit, also, try to find a presentation with ‎graphs and just stare at them. ‎

  • Throw a meeting: this sadly goes to the management levels of slackers, if ‎you want to really waste time, throw a meeting discussing something you ‎already discussed, try to pick a fight or let your colleagues argue with each ‎other, then sit back and laugh at them.

  • Write stupid articles: like this one, and publish it to other morons across the ‎globe.

Damn! 5 more hours to go, fuck this I’m going to the toilet….now where’s my mobile ‎phone?