Saturday, August 12, 2006

Life Skills...

With all the idiocy going on everywhere in the country. The Moroor* Slacking off, the Ministry of Housing making people wait for 25,000 years to get a shithole of a house or a BD40k Loan that won't even buy them a land the size of a 1-inch square tile and the Ministry of Information blocking sites, or even worse, Google Earth. What the hell is this country coming to?

What made me laugh real hard was reading about new curriculums for school students approved by the dinosaurish Ministry of Education in Akhbar-Alkhaleej (credit due to them for publishing hilarious articles!). One of these curriculums is about “Life Skills”. It’s about time you idiots, but why now? And what on earth are you going to teach those students? Life Skills my ass.

Apparently, this will teach them on how to deal with people or situations that arise on a day-to-day basis. You want them to learn about real life situations? Then take them on field trips to service-oriented ministries or departments such as the Traffic Directorate, Immigration & Passports and Health Centers (+ Salmaniya Hospital) etc... There they will learn how to kiss ass to get what they want, otherwise they would rot in long queues until their legs go numb or collapse due to their asses not being able to withstand the pressure of standing for 7 hours. Instead of taking them on field trips to Adhari Park or El7adeeqa Elmaa2eyya** year after year after year, just take them to those ministries and give them real life exercises on how to deal with different situations. And award the ones who achieve their goals with accolades such as “Ass-kisser of the Year” or “Cocksucker of the Month”. I can give you a few suggestions on where to take them and scenarios of how to deal with situations. This will be also dependent on how advanced they will get in these courses. With high performers taken into more blood-boiling pressure-rising employee-slacking government entities.

This will be a sort of a "Bahrain survival guide" right? I mean you could teach kids how to evade doing any work at a workplace and yet still get credit for it... You can learn that from any government sector employee… Even with some "private" sector or "semi-government entities" on how to piss off an honest customer who has a small deposit to make (teacher required: any NBB teller, Fuckers!!!)... That process shouldn’t take more than 5 minutes! Yet somehow, they manage to keep you waiting for an hour next to a guy with a serious B.O. problem (I’ll leave this for another libbie ;P). Kids will have to be taught how to make an accident look like it's the other guy’s fault EVEN THOUGH it’s actually his own fault... Knowing moroor* officers is essential here...

What’s that son? You want to be a moqawil*** when you grow up and get loads of Indians cheap and don’t know where to put them? Easy... Learn from that dumbass that put 200 odd HUMAN BEINGS and stuck them in a building that cant take more than 15 and -get this- it's made of WOOD, fucking blaiwit****! Problem solved... till a disaster occurs and you get your ass harassed by human rights activists... Oh yeah and eventually the government AFTER they have covered your sorry ass up and people KNOW that they have been covering your shitty ass due to 1) Corruption, 2) Bribery or 3) Parternship!

Our kids are our future... And judging from the looks of the primary school children, I feel nothing but dread from trying to imagine how these morons are going to take over the country from us... Let’s just kill the dumb ones and leave the intelligent! But… Then again, the population of Bahrain will dwindle down to like, what, 237 only? SWEET!

Now, where on God's green earth is that baseball bat? I am afraid that the Customs Department saw that article and decided to BAN EVERY SINGLE BASEBALL BAT that is about to enter Bahrain! Fucking cheap-ass labor. And they say poor Indians or Bangalis***** are cheap labor. The government employees are "cheap" labour, cheap in quality, that is. Because they tend to punish ALL for a fuckup of one person whom they originally backed up! What gives?

* Traffic Police
** Water Garden in Salmaniya
*** Contractor
**** Plywood
***** Bangladeshians

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Close Encounter of a MORON Kind!‎

Roughly translated, a Sri Lankan couple took this UNDENIABLE PROOF of a picture that space ships have indeed visited our lovely little kingdom. Yes the flying saucer was seen circling Tubli Bay, possibly looking for intelligent life to beam up and examine. The joke’s on you aliens: You came to the wrong place, and you obviously have not been reading this blog! The only anal probing that’ll be done is by Riffa niggers on your own asses!

What the fuck is that anyway? It’s a drop of sweat on a camera lens man! Or a fucking drop of water from all this Goddamn humidity that is suffocating us. Otherwise it’s a cheap plastic bag, like the ones u get in cold stores, floating with the fumes of Sitra (caused by stinky Sitra B.O.). Whatever it is, I can’t believe our newspapers have now stooped so low as to print a glorified redneck tabloid story. But maybe the reason the poor Sri Lankan guy went to the press in the first place was because he was afraid the Ministry of Information might block his site if he uploaded the picture somewhere (you know, like they did with FUCKING GOOGLE EARTH!). If we publish this picture in our blog, are WE gonna get blocked too? I wouldn’t be surprised...

But you know what? I think it IS aliens. Yeah it’s that little alien family that just left their 30,000 year old home under Alba to get some more green sludge from their home planet. Or maybe it was some new alien species coming to work for the BDF or Salmaniya Hospital. OOPS, someone forgot to switch on the cloaking device! Well, I guess it’s yet another reason to own an Sc777 Alloy Baseball Bat.

[UPDATE]: Apparently, the nincompoops at the Ministry of Information realised what kind of backwarded shitheads they are and due to the massive pressure by the public they realized the idiocy and the error of their ways and decided to bring back Goole Earth. That's the only good thing that you idiots did in a long time, actually maybe ever!!! They have asked Google to block the sensitive areas only. You morons should have thought about that from the beginning instead of opting for the easy solution and that's to FUCK every single one just to please a bunch of cry-babies. Next time, do the right thing, not do what you think is right.